3 things that can help you get over negative feedback

Oof.

You got some negative feedback… or they may call it “constructive feedback”. This may lead to different kind of thoughts; “I’m not good at my job.” “My boss is wrong” or “This job is not right for me”.

In order to make it more digestible, managers tend to shape it as a growth opportunity… which is… nice… however we are all humans so any type of criticism can become emotional.

Let me tell you this: IT IS OK and you will get over it.

Here are a few things you can do:

1.) Take a day off with a long weekend to digest:

Take a sick day or even consider taking an unpaid PTO. It is important to let the conversation simmer emotionally so you can start approaching the feedback logically.

Go ahead and binge on a show, run with your dog, take your kids to a new park or just simply do nothing. If the conversation comes back to your mind, just acknowledge it but don’t let it dominate your day(s) off.

2.) Truly reflect on yourself:

Once you take some time off, reflect on the feedback. Along with the feedback itself, it is also important to consider how it was delivered. Separating the what and the how is a good place to start.

WHAT: As your manager may have mentioned, maybe you are really distracted, maybe you are really disorganized, maybe you need to work on how you present yourself or just simply need to work on your presentation skills. I guarantee you, we all got some form of negative feedback like this which turned out to be true.

HOW: The suckiness doesn’t only happen on the receiving end but also on the delivery end. Maybe your manager’s tone was not appropriate for the conversation (especially if they only have a year or two manager experience under their belt). Make sure you peel this from the actual feedback and decide whether or not you want to let your manager know that they need to work on their delivery. This can be a risky move so it’s absolutely up to your confidence level whether or not you want to do it.

3.) Have a follow up conversation and come prepared:

Negative feedback delivery can be intense so most people don’t consider having a follow up conversation in order to dodge any negative feedback.

I really don’t like confrontation neither but if I gave up every time that there was any sign of a difficult conversation, then I wouldn’t be in my current manager position.

It is important to follow up regardless of two scenarios:

If you agree with the feedback, then great — ask for tips or a growth plan. It is your manager’s job. This can be as simple as “Thank you for the feedback. I would like to understand how I can get better at organizing myself. How do you typically handle this challenge?”

If you do not agree with the feedback, ask for examples. My general rule is to have 3 concrete examples of a performance issue so I can provide a pattern and then give direction on what solutions may be applicable. If it happened once then it’s very likely to be related to something personal happening that day. A way to put this words can be “I appreciate your feedback however I would like to understand more on how you came to this information. Can you provide me a few examples? That way I can understand more how I can change my behavior.”

Here’s the thing — Sometimes things are not as obvious to us as they are to others. Receiving feedback usually means that your supervisor is investing time to ensure that you are on the right path. That being said, they are responsible for you to grow. If they say “you need to be more organized” then they should be armed with tips, directions, education plan or any other tools in order to help you in your career.

Here is my last point that I’ll reiterate:

We are only human.

Some things may not change because we are human and are not going to be perfect. In a video David Sedaris said:

Needing to be perfect is a real curse.

Feeling the need to be perfect is not going to make you perfect — it’s going to make you paralyzed.

Some things you may not be able to change in yourself. In that case, it is important to consider whether or not the job is the right gig for you.