Lessons I learned from rage quitting my job

It was 3 am on a wednesday. I came to bed at 11pm. Couldn’t fall asleep. I pretended like I was when my fiance came in but I was tired-awake. You know, when you are exhausted and ready to peacefully drift into your slumber.. but a small work anxiety pops up. That night, it wasn’t small. It kept growing and gave me tears for hours. I knew in my gut that I was gonna get a silent demotion to push me out of the company as a new mom. 

I came to a decision at 3 am that I can’t do it anymore. 

Let me set the stage for you: (or you can just jump down to the lessons)

We had our baby few days after the pandemic shutdown. We had no idea if her dad was allowed in delivery, recovery or maternity ward. We just showed up and hoped for the best. 

Luckily he was allowed in for delivery and recovery so he got a chance to meet his little girl but once we moved to the maternity ward, it was just me and her in a dimly lit room surrounded by exhausted nurses. Our parents weren’t able to come. Neither were our friends. It was an extremely isolated moment that put perspective in life. Maternity leave and going back to work was full of emotional swings. But that wasn’t the point that pushed me over. 

It was my boss. My non-empathetic only-smart-for-his-own-benefit boss. 

Months after I came back, he decided to hire my maternity coverage as a “partner” for me. It was framed as help for me now that I have a child. We worked for a company who promised “creating a more diverse, equitable and inclusive world through design”, yet here I was being pushed out for having a baby as a department lead. Thanks to that my guilt of having a baby as a non-white career-focused woman hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Month after that he decided to promote her above me saying that he wanted to squeeze in her promotion before the acquisition. I also got the “Your team loves you but I am not getting what I want”. What he wants is rigor in the department. The old way of working where my team was being pushed into being glorified secretaries and weren’t given opportunities to think and create. Remember the TPS report bit in Office Space? That is what success means to him. A fucking cover on a TPS report is more important than encouraging softer skills to set teams up for success. 

That decision puts an expiration date on me. Is what I said. I see a mix of release and panic in him. I feel a sudden rush of comfort and peace. 

The breakdown from my long-time brewing burnout was the best thing in my life after my child’s birth. There were lessons that I learned and want you to know:

Lesson 1: Shitty bosses are not worth your time. 

There were a ton of red flags with this guy: long tenure, massive swing in tone depending on the audience, fake image of a collaborator, lack of progression and innovation (mind you, we were in the design consulting business) and microaggressions towards non-Americans and women. Now I know that there is not enough money for me to deal with a shitty boss because I will never get back the time that I wasted on them. 

Lesson 2: Know your tolerance to bullshit. 

Time is the most important commodity. Naturally bullshit that takes space in your mind and time has to be valuable bullshit. I can say that your limits change once you have a child. 

My mental space is for ones that deserve it and just because someone is above you, doesn’t automatically admit them to that space. That said, meetings from 8am-5pm is no longer the way I work. My time is too valuable for me to plop myself in front of zoom for hours and pretend like I like it. 

Lesson 3: Working parents are absolutely screwed over. 

Any company that is not open for long-term parental leave, remote work options, high pay or unlimited PTO for parents is a company that is set to take advantage of you in EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. They don’t see you as talent, they see you as another cog in the works. Your career growth means nothing to them. If you’re not a parent yet, go hug your parent friends. They will appreciate all means of support. 

Lesson 4: Perfection is a sign of a toxic workplace. 

Perfection is the shackle to tie you down while you are trying to reach out for something that is unattainable. 

I feel regret for all the time I worked too hard and ignored my family, health and friends because of the “work hard, play hard” mentality. I should’ve worked sufficiently and spend more time enjoying my life. No matter how hard I work, there is going to be that one influential asshole who is going to point out a minor error in my work and block my career. 

Your body tells you when you are not in a safe environment. The bedtime anxiety, the sunday dread, the procrastination that leads to late night work, the chest tightness.. Listen to your body and the toll you’re putting on it. 

Lesson 5: There is help out there. You just need to admit that you need it. 

What saved me was validation through therapy, women cohorts. What kept me going was my team and tribe. Showing vulnerability for the first time in my 15 year career was the saving grace of my mental health. Knowing that I don’t need to do this all by myself and there is someone out there, even if it’s a paid service, who can, at the least, validate my situation to help me crawl out of this hole of misery. 

Lesson 6: Prepare your emergency fund NOW

Regardless of what part of your career you are, start saving money on the side as your emergency fund. This should be 3-6 months of living costs. There are great sources out there on how to do this.

With this experience, I decided to help similar empaths in converting emotions into the strongest asset in whatever industry they work in.

This is my new calling. This is why I created corner cubicle consulting. Say hello.

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<3 Be kind to yourself